Moon Magic

April’s Full Pink Moon: Love is a Battlefield

Lady Tudor opens her green eyes to see the Butler holding his suitcase and black umbrella. She smiles because she knows exactly what’s going on.

“You are going on a vacation and already have a man in mind to take over your Butler duties while you are away for the Pink Moon rituals,” the INFJ half-psychic tells her imaginary servant without a personality type.

Her butler’s face remains stoic, but she does notice a flicker of light in his eyes that confirms her suspicions.

“And, I am betting that it’s the Knight of Cups – or shall I call him the ENFP Campaigner?” Lady Tudor says, emphasizing the personality type of the recent visitor to the mansion.

“More likely, your intuition goes out the door when you fall in love, my little half-wit,” the ghost of Professor Plum says. “Why don’t you love me anymore? You didn’t have to ghost me.”

You’re begging me to go
Then making me stay
Why do you hurt me so bad
It would help me to know
Do I stand in your way
Or am I the best thing you’ve had
Believe me
Believe me
I can’t tell you why
But I’m trapped by your love
And I’m chained to your side — ‘Love is a Battlefield,” by Pat Benatar

Ignoring the INTJ professor, Lady Tudor thinks about the last time an ENFP Campaigner visited the Tudor Mansion. The ENFP visitor of the past campaigned to get ESTP Mr. Green elected as mayor of Imperial City, but spent most of his time in the “voting booth” pushing ESFP Miss Scarlet’s buttons.

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She squeezes her hands together to say a prayer that this ENFP Campaigner has better judgement; then, she looks at the Butler’s face for a clue. His face is blank. She relays her enthusiastic sentiments to the Butler using mental telepathy.

Oh. Let me help you with your bags. Will you return after the Pink Moon ritual? How I will miss you. Will you bring me back a souvenir? Nothing touristy or tacky. Oh. I can’t wait!

Lady Tudor steps outside to wish the Butler a safe journey to Valenwood and to gaze at the lovely pink moss phlox along the walkway. Before he leaves, the Butler informs Lady Tudor that the original Miss Scarlet is not back after being quarantined by government officials. Instead, a clone of Miss Scarlet is here.

“Don’t worry – everyone knows you can’t be cloned,” he says, opening his umbrella on the clear-sky day and walking away.

When she returns to the Hall, Lady Tudor notices a sign on the wall that reads, “Morning Meeting in the Library.”

She joins the other game pieces in the Mansion Library for the meeting already in progress.

Colonel Mustard says everyone has agreed that the High Priestess shall have her brown-eyed knight while the Butler is vacationing in Valenwood.

Mrs. Peacock wants to know if this temporary Butler will open doors with his mind.

Colonel Mustard explains that the Knight is Lady Tudor’s personal Butler. He won’t be servicing any of the other game pieces in the Tudor Mansion or outside the gates of the estate.

The meeting then shifts to a briefing on the full pink moon and associated festivities.

Mr. Green says he understands the pink moon is the first full moon of spring.

“According to the book I read, the full pink moon is the best time for planting below-ground crops,” Mr. Green says, grabbing Miss Scarlet clone by the hair. “I might just be inclined to plant my seeds above-ground for you, Miss Scarlet.”

Lady Tudor excuses herself from the meeting to meet up with the knight who draws her a bath with Himalayan pink salts with hot, hot, hot water. He then pours her an icy pink vodka lemonade cocktail that is cold, cold, cold.

Lady Tudor wakes up in the middle of the night in the arms of the ENFP Campaigner. As a substitute Butler, the communication is often telepathic.

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Before she asks for what she wants, the new Butler gives it to her. With her iced tea with mint leaves in her hand, Lady Tudor heads for the spiral staircase with a longing to play out the most indecent scene.

I want to dance and pick flowers with you under the moon and then fly. We can travel via the astral realm to your home in the city even though the quarantine in no longer in effect.

Taking her hand into his, the knight transforms into the Knight of Cups card of the tarot deck – his eyes flashing like two fire opal gems.

Dressed as a non-Satanic high priestess who believes in Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior, Lady Tudor forgets to tell the knight about her past flying experiences. Mainly that she tends to fly and then fall. Her magic is spotty at best. Together, though, they stay airborne high above the trees and flower gardens.

When they reach his castle in a distant country, Lady Tudor observes the carefully sculpted bushes but no flowers.

“Where have all the wildflowers gone?” she asks the knight. “Are you trying to kill my soul? Why do you hate me so much?”

“I don’t hate you,” he says. “It’s just hard to take you seriously in that headdress. You look like the Egyptian mother goddess Hathor.”

Her energy zapped from travelling in the astral realm, Lady Tudor resumes her telepathic communication.

Are you calling me a Goth chick? I’ll have you know that this crown symbolizes the three lunar phases. And, those lunar phases in turn represent the three stages of womanhood: maiden, mother and crone. I’m not a maiden anymore, but I still like wildflowers. And, I never asked to be me.

“I don’t want you to feel sad, Lady Tudor,” the Knight of Cups says, his countenance weakening. “I only took your power so I could give it back to you,” he says.

His kisses turn her into a gold statue that can’t talk, feel or cry.

I will multiply your luck every time you touch me under the full moon. My eyes like the icy aquamarine gemstone.

“I know what you said should not turn me on, but it does,” he says, kissing her a second time. And then a third time to lock in his magic spell.

When she opens her aquamarine eyes, Lady Tudor hears Mr. Green and Colonel Mustard talking about the trouble in the land.

“To keep the deadly virus from killing anyone else, we reversed the mansion’s closed windows policy,” Colonel Mustard says. “All windows will henceforth remain open.”

Lady Tudor imagines Mr. Green and Colonel Mustard growing larger and larger with air like balloons. She watches the green and yellow balloons float out of the two windows behind her and up into the sky.

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